some days and others

some days, some days are better than other days.
some days I wake up and i feel thirty.
other days, I wake up and i feel like i might nearly be dead.
looking at my ceiling, it looking back at me blankly
searching for an answer in the white on white shadows
i'm so, so tired
but I cannot sleep.
i am a slump
my body hurts, small Sharp little aches
rusted joints ripping away from each other
molar joints pulsating
years upon years of motionless, paralyzed, ennui
it's only been three hours since i've moved to try to piss
forever in my mind.
pray to the buddah, pray the rosary and pray for grace
doze back off with prayer "holy Mary mother of god..." drifting... in and out
light dreams of Siddhartha and the virg morphing into and away from each other.
entertaining and delightful
sleep takes me.
two hours later, i'm refreshed. no more messages to be read on my ceiling
window going from black to grey
god has blessed me with another day
blessed to see the faces i love
maybe make a small difference in their lives.

thank you.