My belly keeps expanding. It’s uncomfortable, ugly, makes it difficult to breathe and I feel like I’m five or six months pregnant, approximately. I saw nurse K last week and today to see if anything can be done about. My options include muddling along as is, keeping my salt intake low, low, low. Raise my diuretics which will make me pee more; currently after taking the diuretics about an hour afterwards I have to pee every ten minutes for about an hour. That’s a lot of getting up and finding a bathroom, fortunately for me and my brood peeing up against a tree anent no problem. Lastly they could tap me. Sounds like exactly what it is. They take a big ass needle, stick it in my belly and draw out as much fluid as possible. Unfortunately, once you get tapped you generally don’t go back. Also, the fluid generally comes back like a pack of screaming howler monkeys, i.e. full force with a vengeance. Not to mention they suck out a bunch of good proteins an albumium in there as well. So the doc and the nurse decided the best course of action was to raise my diuretics “to the threshold” and see what happens. I’m generally feeling pretty fucking good right now except for this belly that keeps on getting in my way and incites all the female construction workers to cat call me. Why and try to make my life more comfortable right now?
On another note I took the kids to the drive-in Friday night to see the new smurf movie. And yes, it was an excise in suffrage with a two year old repeatedly saying…”Dad can I sit here?”, “Dad can I sit here?”, “Dad can I sit here?” Truly though it was fun, my boy enjoyed it and we had a few laughs the echoed throughout the drive-in. Even the battery dying and having to get jumped while trying to explain to my kid what function the battery performs. I don’t know, but I think sticking with “It supplies electricity to the car.” was vague and general enough that I didn’t sound like an idiot.
I didn’t grow up with the smurfs, so I didn’t know a lot of their history. I knew they were blue, pretty much dressed the same and overall they’d make pretty good neighbors. Learning that Papa smurf had 99 sons and one daughter did sort of creep me out, what do they do about procreation?
Tom and Jerry whacking each other with frying pans to the back of the head, cannons going off in Yosemite Sam’s face and anything from ACME falling on, crushing, pureeing or turning the Wiley Coyote into a walking according was more my speed. I did love the Looney Toons. When I was in the USN I lived off base in beautiful Monterey California with some dude named Jim another Navy guy. Jim would go to work fix computer hardware, come home and suck on the end of a bong until he was completely annihilated. That is all he did. Occasionally I took him to a punk rock show, where he’d watch, mouth agape in a glassy eyed trance trying to stay clear of the pit.
Jim introduced me to another Navy Techie named Fat Frank. Fat Frank also off base and happened to live just down the street from us. I was about 18 and Frank was in his thirties and he had a much better command of the English language the Jim did during a cannabis self-induced stupor so Frank made much better company and I ended up hanging with him quite a bit.
Frank had a guy up in Alameda that he’d go see every month or so and bring back sheets of aqua blue window pane acid. Window pane or Clear light refers to an opaque gelatin sheet containing the LSD dosage, generally no more than a centimeter across. Frank bought a lot and he was generous with what he bought. Previously only doing mushrooms, peyote and morning glory seeds acid tripping seemingly opened some doors for me. I would tell people that eating shrooms was comparable to eating a piece of Mother Nature and eating acid was like eating a smoldering bolt of electricity. After a summer of doing it pretty frequently I thought enough was enough and encouraged folks to steer clear of the LSD, if you had to trip, go natural, but… You don’t have to trip.
Late that fall I took a bit of window pane and mosied on down to Fat Franks house to chill out for a while. The dose just started hitting as I knocked and the door was pulled open by a bare chested, red hat wearing, giant blue Smurf. What the hell, it was Frank! I’ll call him Fatty Smurf. It was Halloween and Frank stripped down to too tight white capris, silly ass white hat and an entire body painted blue. Aka, Fatty Smurf. We sat on his stoop the remainder of the night, tripping, drinking beer and giving out candy to all the kids that were brave enough to venture up to the giant smurf.
I pretty much forgot about Fat Frank the Smurf until I myself saw the Smurf movie and MY belly started to expand, so, can you guess what I might be this Halloween if the Docs can’t get my growing belly under control?
No comments:
Post a Comment