Christmas Eve, a year later.

A year ago tonight I was lying in a hospital bed. Swollen up, bloated, testicles swollen up to disproportionate size, and painful. Calves swollen up like a Soviet peasant woman's, no appetite, pretty pathetic looking all in all. Couldn't even take a Christmas shit. None the less, it was the best Christmas gift I could of ever gotten.

At Thanksgiving, I told my family and friends that I hoped to be in the hospital during Christmas. An odd wish to be sure, it was a req8est that came true. On December the 8th I was lucky enough to be given a new liver and a new lease on life. As I lay there post-surgery I was hoping for no visitors the next day. My wife and kids wouldn't be there, I knew that much. So seeing other folks I loved would make their absence that much more painful. Nearly two weeks early I was sedated, my cirrhotic, dried gourd like liver was pulled from my body and someone, with a bigger heart than mine, someone that died; someone that left other people behind; someone with a much healthier liver gave me the gift of a second chance.

My room Christmas Eve was pretty much like any other budget hotel room with the exception of the thousands upon thousands of dollars of medical equipment. There were machines pumping medicines and antibiotics in my arms; electro pads attached to my chest monitoring my heart rate, pulse and blood pressure. There was a hose attached to my neck with a button on it that I could press when the pain got to be too much. Supposedly it gave me a little shot of morphine. I don't know if it worked or not, I suppose it did, I wasn't screaming out in pain, but it wasn't like any shot of morphine that I remembered. Those old timey shots really shut me down and that wasn't happening Christmas Eve night a year ago.

Tonight, a year later, I realize what a lucky bastard I am. Actually it didn't take a year to realize it, I'm aware of it every waking moment. I don't deserve to be here, but I am, I have a purpose, my work here isn't finished. My two kids, my two ornery, loving, loud, wonderful, sometimes self-absorbed, witty beyond belief children are upstairs sleeping soundly dreaming of tomorrow morning.

I have a debt of gratitude that I'll never be able to repay.

Thank you.

Merry Christmas and God Bless.

Robert